How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?
First day of the last month of this year. I woke up from a nightmare. First day of the first month of this year I had woken up to living a nightmare. Those ghosts haunted me, possessed me and made me unrecognizable.
First day of December, I had the cold grim whirlpool in my stomach, the silent indicator of the arrival of a ghost. I let it own me like I knew it eventually would. I spent the whole day waiting for the ghost to arrive. I prayed for faith to not disappoint me and come to my rescue this time. Faith never came. But you know what? Neither did the ghost.
By the end of the day, I realized the arrival of December and welcomed it. It is the month in which I was born, the month in which I feel most at home, the month in which I feel most me. I let the scent of the month seep into my being and slowly battle the whirlpool. I felt like I was going to retch but by the end of it, I won. I felt exasperatingly at home in the cavity formed in my heart, my body and my soul.
Home. The best place to be. x
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