What have you lost, what are you grieving?
Ever marveled at the number of times you kiss THAT person? At getting to call THAT person at three in the night to say "I miss you!", knowing he'll get irritated and doing it anyway, knowing he'll be back to normal and in love with you on the phone the next morning? Ever stared at THAT person, admired him completely besotted and okay with being so and told him for the millionth time that you love him? Ever marveled at getting to do all of that with that person just because you can? Just because you're THAT person in his life who can?
I lost that. I'm grieving that. Ya well.. :-)
Friday, December 6, 2013
#Reverb13 Day 3: Listen to your Heart
What does your heart have to tell you?
You know....how do you fail me when I need you the most?
Dear damn heart, where do you go I need that maturity and that wisdom that people say you have?
"Listen to your heart! Listen! Listen to it!
Your heart can never be wrong! Listen to your heart!" they say
I mean where does that come from??
You? What do you know? You know what's right??
Out of nowhere you will stubbornly squat
in memory lanes, at dead ends, atop castles in the air
and back over and over again on that wall
where Humpty Dumpty broke himself
never to be put together again!
You squat, you stubborn brat,
and you throw your hands and feet in the air
and bawl for all those things
you just have to have.
So what if they hurt?
They're yours and they must be brought to you!
There's no bringing you up!
And today you ask for the faith that will kill me? and I will listen to you,
won't I?
"Listen to your heart!" they say, those ridiculously pathetically foolish wise people!
As if we had a choice..
You know....how do you fail me when I need you the most?
Dear damn heart, where do you go I need that maturity and that wisdom that people say you have?
"Listen to your heart! Listen! Listen to it!
Your heart can never be wrong! Listen to your heart!" they say
I mean where does that come from??
You? What do you know? You know what's right??
Out of nowhere you will stubbornly squat
in memory lanes, at dead ends, atop castles in the air
and back over and over again on that wall
where Humpty Dumpty broke himself
never to be put together again!
You squat, you stubborn brat,
and you throw your hands and feet in the air
and bawl for all those things
you just have to have.
So what if they hurt?
They're yours and they must be brought to you!
There's no bringing you up!
And today you ask for the faith that will kill me? and I will listen to you,
"Listen to your heart!" they say, those ridiculously pathetically foolish wise people!
As if we had a choice..
Thursday, December 5, 2013
#Reverb13 Day 2: Nourishment
What made your soul feel most nourished this year?
This year, I was made to remember how fabulous I am even at my worst! I was made to realize that it is not okay to forget that cos it comes at a price. And I might take a break from being fabulous but I can never take a break from paying the price of it. Coming home to myself, even though lonely, nourished me this year.
That and the realization that I had no escape from my love for writing and its painful yet rewarding reciprocation. Both of those nursed me back to health. I have miles to go before I sleep.. :-)
This year, I was made to remember how fabulous I am even at my worst! I was made to realize that it is not okay to forget that cos it comes at a price. And I might take a break from being fabulous but I can never take a break from paying the price of it. Coming home to myself, even though lonely, nourished me this year.
That and the realization that I had no escape from my love for writing and its painful yet rewarding reciprocation. Both of those nursed me back to health. I have miles to go before I sleep.. :-)
#Reverb13 Day 1: On Your First Day
How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?
First day of the last month of this year. I woke up from a nightmare. First day of the first month of this year I had woken up to living a nightmare. Those ghosts haunted me, possessed me and made me unrecognizable.
First day of December, I had the cold grim whirlpool in my stomach, the silent indicator of the arrival of a ghost. I let it own me like I knew it eventually would. I spent the whole day waiting for the ghost to arrive. I prayed for faith to not disappoint me and come to my rescue this time. Faith never came. But you know what? Neither did the ghost.
By the end of the day, I realized the arrival of December and welcomed it. It is the month in which I was born, the month in which I feel most at home, the month in which I feel most me. I let the scent of the month seep into my being and slowly battle the whirlpool. I felt like I was going to retch but by the end of it, I won. I felt exasperatingly at home in the cavity formed in my heart, my body and my soul.
First day of the last month of this year. I woke up from a nightmare. First day of the first month of this year I had woken up to living a nightmare. Those ghosts haunted me, possessed me and made me unrecognizable.
First day of December, I had the cold grim whirlpool in my stomach, the silent indicator of the arrival of a ghost. I let it own me like I knew it eventually would. I spent the whole day waiting for the ghost to arrive. I prayed for faith to not disappoint me and come to my rescue this time. Faith never came. But you know what? Neither did the ghost.
By the end of the day, I realized the arrival of December and welcomed it. It is the month in which I was born, the month in which I feel most at home, the month in which I feel most me. I let the scent of the month seep into my being and slowly battle the whirlpool. I felt like I was going to retch but by the end of it, I won. I felt exasperatingly at home in the cavity formed in my heart, my body and my soul.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Post Infidelity
"Now listen to me carefully," she said to him through tears and gritted teeth, "Go for it! Fight for her. Convince her that she likes you, because she is not happy with her boyfriend and you know that as well as she and I do. Convince her to give you and her a chance at whatever it is that you both might want. Because the injustice that she is about to do? She'd rather do it to you than to her boyfriend, cos he doesn't deserve it. You do. And one more thing, don't call me ever again."
Months later, when she was still getting over him cheating on her with that girl, but she was better, they spoke. "Its ok," she said to him, keeping the pain in her voice down, "I only took away from you what already didn't matter to you anymore..."
Months later, when she was still getting over him cheating on her with that girl, but she was better, they spoke. "Its ok," she said to him, keeping the pain in her voice down, "I only took away from you what already didn't matter to you anymore..."
Damning of the Ocean
She let her angels and demons
churn the murky waters in her
to get the right words
to save her
Her sleepless eyes awoke
with the happiness
that she was afraid
to have the audacity to feel
Her Mohini
was just starting to
seduce her demons away;
When
the RahuKetu
of somebody's something better
swallowed the first few droplets
of the elixir restoring her
A cold dark gaping void
replaced her Meru
and shrieked in the faces of her gods,
rendering them forever mortal!
churn the murky waters in her
to get the right words
to save her
Her sleepless eyes awoke
with the happiness
that she was afraid
to have the audacity to feel
Her Mohini
was just starting to
seduce her demons away;
When
the RahuKetu
of somebody's something better
swallowed the first few droplets
of the elixir restoring her
A cold dark gaping void
replaced her Meru
and shrieked in the faces of her gods,
rendering them forever mortal!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Such A Heartless Kaam-Se-Matlab-Rakho World!
They took away twitter and gmail from me. Now I feel like someone tethered me to my work and confined me behind the bars of the thoughts of my broken heart and my lost love! Why doesn't the world understand?
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